Packing
by Alibi Nonsense
Summary: It was just a simple trip to Kumo... what could possibly go wrong? Crackish!


"Kaa-san. I'm an elite shinobi, captain of an ANBU black ops squad. I do not need- No! Get off! Kaa- Kaa-san! Get your hands off my-"

"Oh hold still and stop being such a baby; it's only a bit of spit."

"Hahaha… Aniki's a baby."

"Kaa-san, get off! Shut up, Sasuke."

"There: it's off now. It was only a bit of dirt."

"Don't patronize him, Mikoto. It's not befitting of the Uchiha."

"Oh honestly, Gaku-kun! You and your family ideals!"

"Now… NOW JUST A MINUTE, WOMAN! JUST WHO ARE YOU TO GO QUESTIONING OUR FAMILY IDEALS?!"

"Oh Gaku-chan! You're so sweet when you're cross…"

"_Ewww… Itachi, why is kaa-chan being so creepy?"_

"_I don't know, Ototo. Shisui said not to try and work it out. He said it was something to do with trousers."_

"_Oh."_

"_I didn't get it either."_

"SWEET!? I-"

"Tou-san, we're supposed to be going."

"Oh, _**no**_, Itachi-chan! _Why_ did it have to be _now_…?"

"Er… what?"

"You're surely not taking-"

"KAA-SAN! THAT'S _MY __**LUGGAGE SCROLL**_ YOU'RE HANDLING! And… it was in alphabetical order, just a few minutes ago…"

"Icha-Icha Paradise!? UCHIHA FUGAKU ITACHI!"

"Wait? What?"

"Kaa-chan! Kaa-chan! What's ichanicha? Is it about ninjas?"

"No, Sasuke. It's about life."

"IT'S ABOUT _NASTY_ PEOPLE DOING _DIRTY_ THINGS. AND CERTAINLY **NOT** ABOUT NINJA. Don't listen to your father."

"Can I have it back now, Kaa-san?"

"No, Itachi. _No, Itachi._ NO MOST DEFINITELY NOT, YOU DISGRACEFUL CHILD!"

"Because it was my birthday present and I haven't read it yet."

"It was?"

"Yes."

"From whom?"

"Kakashi-san. He says he has a copy like it, signed by the author and that I should look forward to the part about Mezumi and the hamster because that's his favourite part of the series."

"THERE'S A _**HAMSTER**_!?"

"'Tachi!'Tachi! Can _I_ see the hamster?"

"I'll show you if there's a picture of it, Sasuke."

"Oh goody: I like hamsters."

"Mikoto, dear… leave the boy in peace. It's healthy for a boy of his age to have an interest in the female sex-"

"UMM! Tou-chan said SEX! Kaa-chan, Tou-chan said SEX. That's naughty, isn't it? 'Tachi-nii, Tou-chan said SEX. That's a bad word, isn't it? Tou-chan's a _very naughty tou-chan._ UMM!"

"Yes, yes. Alright, Sasuke."

"Can we go now, Kaa-san?"

"Not until we get this _sorted out_."

"Aniki, Aniki; I packed first!"

"Sasuke, there's a difference between packing before somebody else and not being the somebody else whose scroll was forcibly _unpacked_."

"_**La la la, can't hear you**__!_"

"Kaa-san, you do know that I packed alphabetically, don't you? And, in any case… how, precisely, did you know what I had in there anyway?"

"I was checking to see if you had brought any sun lotion, Itachi-kun."

"_Kaa-san_!"

"Well, it does get very hot in Kumo."

"He knows, Mikoto. He's been there before."

"Yes, but he was being a ninja then and now he's on holiday."

"You do know that it doesn't make a difference?"

"Don't be silly, darling; of course it does. Now, Sasuke. You've brought your trunks?"

"Yes, Kaa-chan! I'm a good boy, aren't I? I even got towels and everything! And buckets and spades! And snorkel stuff! And a parasol! And sudocream for if we get sunburn! And-"

"Lovely, dear. Itachi, have you got your trunks?"

"Kaa-san, I don't want to swim."

"I've got Itachi's trunks! And his sun hat! And my sun hat! And a beach ball! And his hair remover cream for his legs! And-"

"Sasuke!"

"And his teddy bear that I found in a cupboard that he used to have when he was three! And-"

"I had a teddy bear?"

"You did, Itachi-kun. Surely you haven't forgotten? Tou-san and I bought it for you when you were a baby: you used to take it everywhere with you!"

"Oh. That one. Wasn't that the one I dissected?"

"Er… I don't know, dear."

"Don't worry Aniki-chan! I sewed it together for you!"

"You did?"

"Yeah!"

"Sasuke… do you even know how to sew?"

"…"

"At all?"

"…Um…well, no… but I learned it very quickly!"

"…"

"Except I think I did it wrong because when Kaa-chan sews stuff, it's still all soft afterwards and mine wasn't."

"Sasuke… what did you do?"

"Just sewed it."

"Sasuke… how exactly did you sew it?"

"With pins."

"Sasuke… how many pins did you use?"

"Er… I lost count after 316, but they don't really look like pins when they're all bended, do they?"

"…"

"Kaa-chan?"

"…"

"I didn't mean to use that many… honest."

"You used…"

"Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a finger in Aniki's eye-"

"Sasuke! Get off!"

"…my silver pins…"

"Kaa-chan, I didn't mean to, honest!"

"…My antique silver decoration hair pins, presented to my grandmother by the Daimyo's wife in the reign of the Shodai..."

"Um… Mikoto… I think I'll just go and start loading up the backpacks now…"

"…You used them…"

"Er… Kaa-chan… I think…"

"…To mend Itachi's dirty old _teddy bear_?"

"Kaa-chan?"

"…"

The trip was cancelled.


End file.
